Sunday, October 25, 2009

No God, No Peace.

Right now I'm struggling, as everyone will struggle at one point in their life, with the subject of purity. God says this way, and the world says another. When we look at it like this, it's easy to see the clear, right thing to do. But is it as easy as it sounds? No. No, of course not. It's so much easier to feed into our instincts and find ways to make it okay. "Oh, it's just a sin. God's going to forgive me. I have protection. It'll feel great. We've been together for so long. I love him. He loves me. Everyone else does it...." and the list goes on. When you take the leap to do this- this becomes okay to do. Then once you do this, you can do that- and since you've done that, you might as well start doing this. WHEN DOES THIS STOP? Well, only when you can no longer go further. Once you've reached the point of no return. Is it worth it? I've weighed my options and I can find a thousand reasons NOT to do it than I can find to. But then why do I still desire. Why?
It's as simple as this. "No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace." The moment I started falling away from Him, I started sinking into a dark abyss. THE dark abyss. The bad habits, vile thoughts, pessimism- the very opposite of what i used to be. Where did my morels go? Right down the drain. I've been consumed and I want to change. I want to change now. I can't stand this constant feeling that I have. It's like I have a rock in my stomach, I have a swirling headache, and I constantly want to cry. I don't want to be like this. I can't be like that. It's tearing myself and my friends apart, and i'm sure He isn't happy with my behavior. So i vow, you will see a difference, because this is not who i want to be. I want to be someone respectable. Someone with the courage to say no. And the courage to hold myself with the dignity that causes heads to turn and say, "Hey, what does she have that I don't? and I want to be the one to turn around and say, "He's my love, my light, and my God. He's there for you too, if you're willing to let him fully into your heart like I have." Because honestly, I think it's worth it. I have the choice: A little momentary pleasure, or eternal pleasure with someone I know will always love me, and I know what I want to choose, but again, it won't be easy.

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