Thursday, January 14, 2010

I just wanna be OK.

Isn't that the truth? I felt liel i'm healing. Finally. After those long months of feeling like a train wreck coated in molten lava, swallowed by a giant cat, and spit out into acid- I started to really feel... ok (: Good. At peace. HAPPY.

Then HE pops back into my life with a spontaneous, "I miss you. i wished that we could go back to the way we were before i was so foolish and lost the best thing that i had ever had! i just let you slip through my fingers! and i feel down right awful for what i put you through! and well that is my wish i could go back and slap myself and don't let something so amazing go!" ETC ETC ETC.

WHY!? Of all the opportunities he could have taken, he chooses now when i'm starting to be happy.

But you know what? I'm sick of this. I DIDN'T SLIP THROUGH HIS FINGERS. He had me. I never thought about leaving him. No pain could compare to that feeling of brokenheartedness. I don't want to go through it again. And then last night he tells me that he always cared for me but he had to break it off because it would hurt more later when he was leaving for the marines. Okay.... so he was already knowing that it wasn't going to work and it was inevitable. He was going to dump me.

THEN WHY WOULD HE WANT TO COME BACK TO ME NOW THAT HE ONLY HAS 3 MONTHS LEFT!?

I can't do it. I won't walk into the inevitable trap of heartbreak.

There are much better boys.

Right now, i'm perfectly content with Him (:

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