No God, No Peace.

Right now I'm struggling, as everyone will struggle at one point in their life, with the subject of purity. God says this way, and the world says another. When we look at it like this, it's easy to see the clear, right thing to do. But is it as easy as it sounds? No. No, of course not. It's so much easier to feed into our instincts and find ways to make it okay. "Oh, it's just a sin. God's going to forgive me. I have protection. It'll feel great. We've been together for so long. I love him. He loves me. Everyone else does it...." and the list goes on. When you take the leap to do this- this becomes okay to do. Then once you do this, you can do that- and since you've done that, you might as well start doing this. WHEN DOES THIS STOP? Well, only when you can no longer go further. Once you've reached the point of no return. Is it worth it? I've weighed my options and I can find a thousand reasons NOT to do it than I can find to. But then why do I still desire. Why?
It's as simple as this. "No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace." The moment I started falling away from Him, I started sinking into a dark abyss. THE dark abyss. The bad habits, vile thoughts, pessimism- the very opposite of what i used to be. Where did my morels go? Right down the drain. I've been consumed and I want to change. I want to change now. I can't stand this constant feeling that I have. It's like I have a rock in my stomach, I have a swirling headache, and I constantly want to cry. I don't want to be like this. I can't be like that. It's tearing myself and my friends apart, and i'm sure He isn't happy with my behavior. So i vow, you will see a difference, because this is not who i want to be. I want to be someone respectable. Someone with the courage to say no. And the courage to hold myself with the dignity that causes heads to turn and say, "Hey, what does she have that I don't? and I want to be the one to turn around and say, "He's my love, my light, and my God. He's there for you too, if you're willing to let him fully into your heart like I have." Because honestly, I think it's worth it. I have the choice: A little momentary pleasure, or eternal pleasure with someone I know will always love me, and I know what I want to choose, but again, it won't be easy.

I wish this could be a happy song But my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone

i had a dream about her again. no, that should be rephrased. i had a nightmare. she comes back, I see her, time has changed her a way that makes her more mature, but it's clear to see she's still the same girl- except... i've been snubbed. cast aside. forgotten. my worst nightmare.
i don't want her to forget about me. i haven't forgotten for one second about her. thinking about it genuinely breaks my heart. i'm not sure how to put this all in words, but i miss her. i miss her so much. she was my best friend in the universe. one moment she calls me with so much excitement and joy to be traveling and following her dreams, promising to call me back with details- and the next she's gone. it's like.... she died. no communication. just a slight reassuring that she's doing okay. i want to contact her. but i can't. i've asked.. but that was so long ago. maybe they'd let me now, but i don't want to open old wounds. molly :( i love you so much. i know you probably won't read this , but know that I love you. i really genuinely do. i want you to know that i'm praying for you. everyday. i'm so proud of your every accomplishment. when you get back, please.. let's catch up. tea party? (: ah, i'm at a loss for words. i... miss you. :( how fitting is it that my pandora radio just started playing missing you by jem?


I'll always be thankful
for the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
but I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
stabbed me in my heart

I have to admit, life sure isn't easy. But with people you care about and trust by your side, it's a lot less difficult. Especially when those people bring out the better in you. When they have the optimism to the see the horizon on the darkest days. The people with their heads screwed tight, but with enough slack to allow imagination to seep through.

Half Blood Prince

I have to apologize quickly. I haven't written a blog in forever, I just keep procrastinating, and procrastinating.
I haven't given up on the beautiful Hatmione i was working on, but I might have to scrap it and start fresh because 'the cat' is evil.
Last night I went to the premiere of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I'm so glad it finally happened and the hype for the release is over. I was dying of impatience. I had been counting down for months! Well, my dear friend Louisa and I dressed up for the premiere (the only ones too, so we got some weird looks haha) and it was so much fun. I went as, well just a Gryffindor student but people thought i looked a tad like Hermione (Score!! lol) and Lou Lou dressed up as Tonks! She used temporary dye. I don't have pictures of her, YET! But, here's me dressed up and ready for the premiere!


My thoughts on the film:
The movie as a movie was wonderful. It was thrilling, tear jerking, happy, silly, I laughed, I cried- etc. It was all I wanted and more.
As for living up to the wonder that the book is- well, i'd give it about a "C" grade level. They missed so many details that were key! They added scenes that didn't need to be there, and they just messed around with it too much.
But- you know, I still loved it. You can see that the actors have really grown. They were phenomenal in the movie compared to when they started as little 9-11 year olds. Emma Watson made me cry with her portrayal of Hermione's heartbreak and jealousy :(
Anyways, I can't wait for DH Part one!! :)

Vent #2

I don't care how irritating they are, stubborn, pigheaded or "b****y" they act- When I am a mother I will NEVER curse AT my children. Ever. It's disgusting, volatile, vulgar, and obscene.

Anyways. I'm off to escape and see my best friend, get help with knitting in the round at Wooly Bully, and ESCAPE.

Pardon my mini rant.

Pandora Internet Radio

Is amazing. Natalie uses it much and often, and I finally got around to trying it. It's amazing. And free. It chooses songs that it thinks you would like to listen to based on an artist, song name, or composer. It's AMAZING! Have I said that already? AND FREE! Ahh, just check it out.
pandora.com

Eventful, just the way I like it (:

Today I slept in-ish. I stayed up till 3am reading, but I slept till 9:30am which was nice, but I wish I was up earlier. I got a phone call around 9am from a hotel in town that I applied for a job at. My brother took a message and a shortly returned their call. They had me come into town within the hour- and after a short interview (Which consisted of, oh your a cheerleader? You knit? What are you working on? You're a christian!? I think you might know my daughter...) I was hired and fitted for a uniform and I started work on the golf course immediately! I'm already down for working 13 days this month along with my other job at the bed and breakfast, I'll be rolling in dough! (: Only 6 people came for golf, so the 4 hours I was there- it was very slow. My best friend and co worker Natalie, who trained me today, and I had a lot of fun taking pictures to document this momentous occasion.








After work was our bible study- then I was off to Woolly Bully Yarns. Seriously, if anyone ever travels to Leavenworth, WA- you have to stop by there. It's the cutest shop with the friendliest of staff. I showed Mary the Hermione hat pattern, and she was so sweet. She helped me find the appropriate yarn, needles, etc. and now I'm actually going to take private lessons so she can help me get started. I promise, I'm actually serious about this. I really want to become an accomplished knitter. I have a feeling I'm not going to get the hat done by the premiere- but at least it's a start. Plus- i already have this lovely grey sweater, Gryffindor Crest Necklace, whimsical black skirt, and I'm going to pick up a red lace camisole at Maurice's. Even if I don't have the hat finished, I'll look perfectly 'bewitching' in Gryffindor colors! (: I'll post pictures. If I wanted to be extremely HP, I do have a cloak with the Gryffindor crest. (: